Don’t Be Offended

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard was this:

“Try hard not to offend others. Try even harder not to let others offend you.”

The first half is easy to understand.  Be kind. Be thoughtful. Watch your words. Consider how your actions impact other people. We should all strive to leave people better than we found them.

But it’s the second half that has become more important to me as I’ve gotten older – Try even harder not to let others offend you.

That’s a much tougher assignment.

The reality is that people are going to say things we don’t like. They’ll misunderstand us. They’ll disagree with us. They’ll make mistakes. Sometimes they’ll be careless. Occasionally they’ll even be hurtful.

If we choose to be offended every time that happens, we’ll spend much of our lives angry, frustrated, and distracted. I’ve learned that being easily offended often comes from believing everything is about us.  Most of the time, it isn’t.

People are carrying burdens we know nothing about. They’re fighting battles we can’t see. They’re speaking from their own fears, insecurities, experiences, and frustrations.

What if we gave people the benefit of the doubt more often?  What if we assumed ignorance before malice?  What if we spent less time keeping score and more time extending grace?

Life gets a lot lighter when you stop carrying every insult, criticism, or careless comment with you. 

Freedom isn’t found in controlling what other people say or do.  Freedom is found in controlling how much power we give it.